The perfect time to have a baby is…

Chaotic’ is the word that best describes how the past two or three years have been for Allan. Allan is a kind, charming, 30-year-old man who works in the Kenya Armed Forces.
Five years
ago, he met the woman he thought was the love of his life. She was
sensual and smart, and the fact that she seemed a little out of his
league massaging his ego a little bit. In less than six months, she fell
pregnant. Allan did the honourable thing and made an honest woman of
her. He travelled to Embu to ask her parents for her hand in marriage
and planned a traditional wedding, after which he moved in with her.
Then they had a beautiful baby girl who completed their happy little
family.
Their happiness was however short lived
when his woman realised that Allan wasn’t really the man she wanted to
spend the rest of his life with. He was too boring, too nice, weak, she
said. So she upped and left him, but now she won’t leave him alone.
You
see, this woman, the mother of his child, she loved him. She isn’t a
malicious person. She just had the wrong motivation for getting
pregnant. She got pregnant to move the relationship to the next stage –
and it worked because it got her an engagement. Then she discovered that
Allan wasn’t the husband she thought he would be. Their beautiful child
ceased being a way in and became an obstacle.
For
the last three years she has been making all their lives miserable. She
makes impossible financial demands on Allan, demands that he takes his
daughter to raise and when he does, she asks for her daughter back. They
are all unhappy all because her reasons for getting pregnant were
misguided.
WORSE THINGS
If
you want to enjoy motherhood, then only get pregnant because you want
to get pregnant. Because you want to have a baby. The right time to have
a baby is when the conception is all about you.
Before
getting off the pill, make sure that you are emotionally and
financially able to support this child. However tempting it might be, do
not have a child to start, keep or save a relationship. Do not get
pregnant just because he told you he wants a child. Do not have one
because all your girlfriends are getting pregnant either. Not even
because you got married and now the whole extended family thinks that a
baby would the next logical step.
There has been
a lot of debate in regard to late and early motherhood. Both have their
pros and cons. If you have a child in your 20’s for instance, you will
have the advantage of being energetic enough to run around your
children. Also, your body will quickly snap back into shape. Older
mothers on the other hand have the advantage of life experiences and
financial security.
No age is perfect for motherhood. What determines how a woman does on this quest is her motivation.
If
your pregnancy is planned, if you get pregnant by accident, relax and
take it in your stride. Motherhood isn’t the worst thing that could
happen to you.
Remember, motherhood is no walk
in the park. It is an emotionally taxing journey. You can change your
diet and pop all your vitamins and even start a savings account for your
unborn before you conceive, but once baby comes, you’d better have your
emotional health in check too. And you do this by realising that there
is no perfection in motherhood. You must learn to take motherhood as it
comes, one day at a time.
You might drop your
baby, it happens. You might not be able to breast feed and that is
alright. Your little one might resist sleep training. They might bed wet
until they are 10. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Then
they will grow up and you will realise that you only have so much power
over who they eventually become. All you can do is lead them in the
direction you think is right. Maybe they will stay on course. Maybe they
won’t. All you can do is raise a happy, well-adjusted adult – and you
can only do this if you have a child when you want to have a child.
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